东西主义

神马东西第203篇原创

As most of you know I take the subway to and from work every morning. It can be a trek and takes a little more than an hour each way. Some days are obviously better than others. This Monday was the worst ever not counting the day I was pissed on by a baby girl. 

你们许多人知道我每天乘地铁上下班。旅程有时可谓长途跋涉，单程需要一个小时以上。有些天明显比平常路况稍微好些，但这周一是最糟糕的一天，如果不算有一次一个小女孩尿在我身上的话。

I have no idea why this day was busier than most. It was Easter Monday, but that should have no bearing on the increased volume of passengers.

我还是没明白为什么这一天比平日的乘客更多。那个周一是复活节，但我不认为这会对北京地铁客流量的增加有任何影响。

Things were so busy I had to wait at the top of the stairs before getting to the platform. The stairs themselves weren’t packed; the attendants kept them clear so when the trains emptied, passengers could move freely. Only after they dispersed were we able to line up for the next car.

地铁站台上人超多，我只能站在通向展台的楼梯顶端等车。楼梯台阶上人倒不满，交通协管员指挥着让楼梯空出来，以便等车到站后人们能出来。等车里人都出来了，我们才能走下去排队等下一趟车。

Things were so bad I waited for 4, maybe 5 trains before I was able to get on. Like a reasonable person, I waited in line till I could finally board. That didn’t stop some idiots from jumping the queue, as if there time was more important than mine.

拥堵巨严重，我等了4、5趟车才终于挤了上去。我像正常人应该做的那样好好排队，好最终能上车。一些插队的脑残们却不这样想，好像他们的时间比别人的更重要。

When I finally did board it was the most uncomfortable trip I have been on since arriving to Beijing. A friend at work once told me he used to write/blog/have a column where he would describe his daily subway journey, but was only limited to three words. Sounds like the best way to convey my thoughts of this expedition. So, 17 thoughts, one for each subway stop I had to endure.

等我终于挤进车厢后发现，那是自我来北京后最最糟糕的一次地铁旅程。一位同事有一次和我说，他曾经写过一个专栏来描述他每天在北京乘地铁的经历，每个描述不能超过三个字。我觉得这是描述我这趟行程最好的方式。所以，下面就是我在回家路上经过17个站时每站的感受。

What the F&^%?
嘿卧槽

Wait your turn
别插队

Feel like sardine
挤扁了

Everyone please leave
都滚粗

Can’t get worse
无更糟

I was wrong
说早了

Someone else’s flatulence (Eau de flatulence)
谁放屁

Most don’t shower
洗澡没

Only halfway there
才一半

Stop touching me
别碰我

Humid, halitosis, horror
潮，臭，😱

Please use mouthwash
请漱口

Want to cry
好想哭

No sitting today
别想坐

Wasn’t pissed on!
没被尿

Finally, last stop
剩一站

Take taxi home
打的走

（完）

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